I haven’t been around for a minute, and I will probably disappear for a little bit more, in terms of time. I have some things I would like to get out, and this was my format all those years ago. So, why not use it again??
I am exploring my gender again. I never really stopped, I suppose. Maybe there was a brief stoppage after bottom surgery, but not for long. Anyway, that is for another post, and it should be coming soon. It should be worth noting that my posts are usually stream of consciousness. I will start with a topic in mind, then, let it all come off the dome, as they say. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn’t hahaha, but that’s okay.
Yes, we are knee deep into August, and the heat and haze is indeed stifling. Fuck Summer all around with a rusty chainsaw. A good thing happened yesterday! Egg, in her infinite kindness, bought us both new iphones. The 12 pro max 256. They are both the blue color, and we cannot wait until our cases and stands and chargers come in tonight! Yay! I’ve got to admit, though, that the switch from Android to iphone has not been fun, and the learning curve is kinda steep. It is fun, though. I am not great with new tech, but Apple seems to make it easy for the novice user…I think!?! lol.
We adopted a black pug puppy during the beginning of the pandemic, and he has given us a run for our money, quite literally. We have paid close to 8,000.00$ since we got him. We are at our breaking point, where if he has to have another major surgery, we may have to give him up. He took all our money, and thanks, only to Egg’s bonus,, we have been able to come back from that crushing debt. Nyx, The Notorious P.U.G. got really sick after he had his one year vaccines. I don’t know if the vaccines had any part in it, and he had some underlying conditions that came to the front. He has IBD and pica. We had to get him a muzzle for when he is outside, because he eats absolutely everything – glass, rocks, twigs, berries, sand, grass, cardboard boxes, magazines, any type of paper – it’s fucking nuts!!! This is why he had to have exploratory surgery. We thought he ate something, and it was lodged in his intestines. This is after an endoscopy and abdominal ultrasound. The surgery showed some ruptures in the intestines and some adhesions, as well as necrotic tissue. The doc did a great job fixing Nyx…for now.
I found some good trees. Hazey indeed!
Anyway, that is all for today. We will talk to you later, dear people of the page
I have been having this problem with my desktop not allowing me entrance into my blog so I could make a post. I mean, I could, and can, view my blog; but, up until now, I haven’t been able to post from the desktop. It has been so long, I guess the desktop forgot how to be nice to my blog and vice versa. Whatever the root issue, the material point here is that I am finally typing out a post on my desktop again!! YAY!!! My last post was done from my mobile. Anyway, that is all I really had to say1 I am jazzed that this damn thing is working again. Maybe there will be another post in the near future? Who knows?
I have begun testing out they/them pronouns, as well as she/her. I think I am beginning to feel less binary than I originally thought when I first discovered myself questioning gender.
It may also be because when I first started thinking about gender, and how it relates to me, and all these strange and dysphoric feelings and emotions I had been having…well, back then, there wasn’t much awareness about Nonbinary people. It was usually focused on the trans binary.
I, now have come to a different way of thinking about my gender, and my gender expression and experience, and it is leading me to a nonbinary life.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden
Think of it as digital fingerprints.Or breadcrumbs, if you will. A beacon, a bright lightilluminating the way through the labyrinththat is/was my life.My beliefs, my desires, my dislikes and likes, my passions-all laid bare for you to see. All you have to do is put the pieces together…it will lead you down the path of this extraordinarily-lived life.
Hey there, dear readers of the page! Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I can’t promise that I will stick around. This may just be a blip on the radar, ya know?
I have been in a depressive episode of the ever-revolving bipolar ball. My anxiety jumped up some too, which is shocking, given the amount of MM I use. Anyway, I was just thinking that I haven’t had a manic episode in a while. I kind of miss the energy behind it. It is hard to get thing, well, things other than the gossamer glow of glossed over chores and over meaningless activities. All that to say – being manic can give life drive and purpose sometimes.
I had a therapy session yesterday. One of the great things to come out of it was to, instead of thinking about a thing I want to do, and letting it overwhelm me, instead, break it down into chunks of time. So, something like 30 minute blocks of doing one thing, day after day. This may sound easy to a lot of you out there, but my mental illness will not make this easy. Just as a reference, I want to relearn French so I have been using the app Duolingo. I had a 71 day run of practicing every day. Then I missed one day. That was okay, I picked back up the next. But the seed was already sewn, and while I made the next day, I skipped the day after that one, and haven’t been back since. That long story was to say, I don’t know how well I will do at this 30 minute challenge. I don’t know how motivated I am to do it. I was yesterday. Not so much today. Ho hum…