Yeah, I probably need to get back into therapy. The only problem with that is they will try to make me stop smoking the green. Now, I am not going to say that I will never stop smoking. But I am not going to stop smoking because some therapist thinks I should. I think therapy needs to revisit the use of the green and be more positive about it. My last therapist, Dr Webb is cool. She diagnosed me with bipolar, gid, gad, and some other stuff. Really, the only new diagnosis was the gid. Everything else I already knew, but honestly, without a blow-out, I tend to believe that maybe there was a mistake made, or I influenced the decision. I can be very manipulative.

So back to therapy. There are two ways  I can go about this: one: I can go back to Dr. Webb.  Didn’t really leave on great terms. Not bad terms either. I just stopped going. She probably didn’t appreciate that. Now, she doesn’t bill insurance, so it is something like 150$ then I would submit to insurance.  With Dr Webb comes the insistence of no mj smoking.  Second option: a gender therapist. Honestly, one of the reasons I picked Dr Webb was because she lists that she has experience lgbt and specifically, trans, issues. So  here is this educated black lady who has experience with trans issues! Perfect right? Well, not really, in that she does not have extensive involvement in the trans community and, afaik, has worked with a few trans patients. This is not a bad thing. But I think there may be a better option. Using that option, however, reintroduces the murky waters of divorce. And I don’t feel like visiting that area. I love SO. I want to be with SO. I will find a way to make it work. You often here or read about divorce and how it sets the trans person free. Well, for me, it seems like a death sentence. I don’t want to live by myself, poor, without friends, without love. FUck  that. And people wonder why there is so much death surrounding trans people?

Enough for now. SOmething is going on with my computer. I think I need to run a virus check


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