It seems a certain levelness and peace has settled in The LBC. Last night was Festivs, and it turned out to be amazing. Just how it should have been. Friends celebrating being friends. It was nice, and I hope to have many more Festivus celebrations with my friends. They are the ones who aren’t going to run away if I lose my shit(figuratively and literally) in public.
Darling SO was amazing again last night. Did all the cooking and stuff and hanging and just being a general badass.
I did breach the trans shyte with SO again. Unfortunately, she still has a problem with it. Not with the trans thing(okay, I’m sure she has a problem with it. But I do think with more literature, more exposure, and more time, she would be okay with it). The main problem she has is that she does not want to be viewed as a lesbian. Actually, what she says is that she is not a lesbian. I say that is fine. What we do sexually is our business and can be considered by us in any way we want to. The real problem, once again, is in what other people will think. Le sigh. This is a big problem for SO. Not so much for me. I’ve really gotten to the point of IDGAF! Saw this girl(?) in Phoenix and Dragon yesterday. She had the look that I like. Of course, SO new immediately. SO , I ask? Why all the games? It seems SO already knows about me, knows the kind of look I like. But damn, public perception is a bitch. And I’m not saying it would be easy for me either. But I do think SO is progressive enough, and hopefully willing to set aside terms and just live our life. Yeah, there will be roadblocks and battles, both inside an outside the LBC, but I really do believe we can get through them.
I don’t know though. Maybe I am too optimistic. Maybe I need to be be realistic. I’ve read enough stories to know that 90% of the time, divorce is the only answer. Well, fuck that. I don’t want to get divorced. So, I can just continue to be how I am now. That is fine. I can live with the dysphoria. I have before. Point is, I’d rather stay like this than divorce. I love SO and don’t think I could take living on my own. I can’t imagine a life without SO in it.
But, damn, IDK, it just seems like the LBC would just say, well, this is something we gotta deal with. We are still committed to each other 100%. It would be just as hard for her as it would be for me. Maybe harder. Probably harder, just from a mental state. Obvs, people will stare. ANd I know SO does not like the attention. But shit, we could be warriors. Rainbow warrors! or we could just be normal people. Just like we are now. Just a teeny bit different, hehehe.
Anyway, doc appointment tomorrow. Should be interesting. Must bring SO along. But work may be an issue. More later, as SO and I are going to see Star Wars! I will be faded as fuck. Sofia Strikes Back! hahahhahaha! Stuart is getting lit up!!!! We will all have a ball!!