Hesitation

Wow, Okay! This is harder than I expected. Got the addy to the bloggy all typed up in text message and ready to send. But…I’m hesitant, and hesitating.  Once I send this, all perception about me will change. That will suck, of course, because, a  big part of me is NOT changing. My personality will still be my personality, at least for now. And in the future, if there are changes, they probably won’t be major. I’m speaking strictly in terms of me being me.   I will be the same, but it will be different. For me, I may have my first true exposure to someone outside starting to see me differently, react differently towards me.  I will have my first acknowledgement, whether positive, negative, indifferent(I find this to be ridiculous. It is too hard to be indifferent to this, unless you have gone through it many times), whatever.  Friend 2 will also be informed as Friend and Friend 2 are life partners. I don’t mind Friend 2 knowing either, and I expect Friend 2 to be cool about it. I would really like to know how they both feel. Like really, even if it hurts my feelings. It is going to be extremely important to me to have honest reactions from them. Nothing fake. If they are freaked, I wanna know they are freaked. If they need some time to process, and don’t wanna hang for a while, that’s fine. As long as it is honest, not cruel, and forthright with me, I want and value their true opinion. I can get congrats from many trans folks online if I need an ego boost. What I need is realtime info from realtime friends.

I think I am going to hold off on sending the key for a bit. Maybe have the rest of the afternoon wash over me.  Then make the decision. yeah, that’s how I’ll do it.

 

 

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