October 11, 2010

Oct 11, 2010.  October 11 is National Coming Out Day. So on that date in 2010, I officially came out to myself. Tagged, labeled, and shipped off for distant shores – or so I thought.  Nah, not really. I have never thought this would be easy.

Anyway, came out to myself and introduced myself on some web forums.  Then BOOM – had to go to rehab/mental checkpoint charlie (Ridgeview). The Ridgeview story will come some other time, but I came out during group therapy. So that was the first live interaction. I think that was 2012. SO knows the dates better than me as my head has been filled with drugs, and not the good kind. What I’ve been trying to get at since the beginning, is that a long time ago, near the beginning of this journey(cue moth/butterfly references and music now) I told myself, “Self, if you don’t start transition by 42 (The best of all things), then you might as well pack it in, call it a day, and give up on the dream. It’s not so bad being in this Stuart suit. And it’s not. Right now, it’s not.” And that lasted for a bit. Then came the dysphoria. I must have seen something. SOme kind of trigger. It may have been the death of Leelah Alcorn.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Leelah_Alcorn   and everything that led up to it. I remember!!!!  I hadn’t cleared Reddit of all the trans stuff. On r/asktransgender she had been posting before her death. It happens a lot on Reddit. So be careful. Trigger warnings and all.  But damn, that was all I needed to get my butt out of the proverbial closet.  And by the hairs on my chinny chin chin(chop chop), I’ve restarted the transition.  Hopefully, this one takes. Because we all know the other side of this double-headed coin, don’t we…

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