I remember it like it was yesterday. I was taking a PK for me team near the end of the. Of course, the score was tied and the season was on the line. I stepped up to the spot, took several steps back, took several deep breaths and waited for the ref’s whistle. Tweeeeet – slowly I move to the ball, intending to slot it neatly into the bottom left corner for the win! – but, nooooooooo!!! It couldn’t happen! I am an excellent PK taker, hardly missing a shot. This moment, however, I decide to put my left foot UNDER the ball. It takes off, flying over the bar, and that is how I lost the season for my team.
Likewise, last night, while in safe space, I clearly skyed it again. SO, Friend 1 (shout out to sick Friend 2) and I made it out to the Pride School Atlanta benefit at Kavarna. It was a great night, and if I’m being honest with myself, a little overwhelming. I’ve been around lgbt people forever; this was different. I was out. To myself, to my friends. To the SO. I post trans stuff on FB, and a lot of work people are friends – I am pretty open(although closing back a bit at work) – anyway – last night, my friends, I choked again. I was introducing myself to someone, and Stuart took over. FUCK ME!!!! REALLY!!! UUGHGGHHHH!!! So, I’m wearing this cute sugar skull girly shirt with a little makeup on, a cute sweater, which unfortunately does nothing to keep me warm outside, black jeans(because no girly jeans yet) and my trusty docs.All this, and I introduce myself as Stuart, shaking hands firmly, and with a nice deep baritone voice the confusion was complete. Or not the confusion, but maybe the understanding. First interactions after coming out, even only to yourself, can be a little nerve-wrecking(?) I don’t really know if that’s true or not, but fuck, for me it was. WOW, looking back now, I had to have been like a deer-in-headlights, frozen with a goofy smile on my face.
To kind of tl;dr this shit – I had the opportunity to introduce Sofia to the world and I choked miserably. My ONLY consolation on this personal front was that I did introduce myself as Sofia to a little 14 year old girl named…? You guessed it! And this happened right after I introduced myself as Stuart to her father, lol! FML!!!!!
The benefit itself was amazeballs! Good music, great, kind, curious people. Really good cause. Can you believe that there is going to be an lgbt-major school??!!! So awesome. Honestly, last night I was so jelly of these trans kids. And the parents? Awesome! But to be a kid, to know as a kid and to go to a a school where you don’t have to worry about asshole jocks or other general assholish people – dizzamn!!! And the kids were so darn cute!!
So, great night. I skyed the shot again. No problem. I came back from the last one, I’ll survive this one, hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
One last thing. On the way home, SO asked why I skyed the shot. I told her it was because I still have my beard. At the time it sounded like a good idea; now, not so much. Just sounds like another excuse. It’s scary, and I got scared and skyed it. As for the facial hair, truly, i didn’t want to rock the boat to much too quickly. But now that I’m in the know, snip snip snip…