Keys To My K(Q)ingdom

I tried for a quick and crafty title.  What was in my head did not translate to the page, lol. Whatever, that is the title for the post.

Gave the web addy to several more old friends, all of whom were very supportive. I guess for me, I thought the old guy friends would be the first friends to abandon me, but each one, in turn, has assured me of their love and support.  Coming out via my little blog is really helping me so far.

Of course, there will have to be a different approach with my parents.   My family was at brunch earlier today and we were talking about effective doses of medications and such.  Dad said something about depro provera(sp?) and sis looked at him in horror.  Dad had to assure her that he was talking about women.  Surprise, bitches! hahahahaha.  That gave me a quick laugh, but more importantly, it gave me my first instance of what to possibly expect when telling the rest of my family. And it is not good. Not that I ever thought it would be rainbows and unicorns. My family is a religious family and seems to grow stronger and deeper into their cult with every passing year. Whatever, just don’t try any of that god shit on me. I’m serious about that. It will not work and I will probably tune you out after the first sentence.

So, the question is now, how to disclose to the parents?  Do I even need to tell them anything now? Nah, maybe I should wait until I have tits, lol!! Nope. But I will have to tell them, and I am internally cringing at the awkwardness.  I am fully prepared, however, to walk away knowing my parents don’t want to talk to me again. At least, I keep telling myself that. I have to be ready to lose those closest to me.  It has been said, time and time again, that family and those closest before transition, often have the hardest time with the transition.  But families across the world have accepted their trans children, even if they come out at 36 years old and a 2n time at 41. Will my family have the strength to handle the news. I don’t think so.  Immediately, at least, I think the reaction will be bad. Ranting and raving, laughing and disbelief. Head shaking and hand wringing.  Yes all these thing will go on. I’m sure they will try to tie this to the bipolar or the crohn’s – or hell, why not both?  But enough about them.  I want to get back to  some of the people I told recently

All three were guys.  All three offered their love and support.  Now, of course, these things are easy to say over social media and instant messenger.  The real test will be when we see each other again.  I know my aversion to guys. Guys offer violence, especially when they feel that their inherent manhood is somehow being tested. As if my expression of femininity was going to rub off on them.  This is my internal fear of guys.  Not my friends who are guys.  But just regular guys.  That I will be attacked by guys for nothing more than dressing and acting according to how I feel inside, or what my mind is telling me to do.  Just wanna be me, ya know?

One other quick thing.  People say that, other than spouses,  it is going to be hardest for the guy friends. Hell, it is going to be hard on anybody and  everybody. Because transition is not just for me. My friends, there may be a day where you will have to stick up for me.  Are you willing to do that?? It is a big ole transition party!! Everybody has to transition, or you exit the party. Unfortunately, that is the way this works. Whether is is mental, emotional, or physical, each on of us will have to look deep within us and see if we can stay in this tribe.  It will be harder for some, easier for others.  For all that I have disclosed to, thanks from the very bottom of my heart!! You all have made part of my coming out process so much easier, and your acceptance and friendship means more than I will ever be able to put into words…

 

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