Today I had another therapy session. This one was pretty soon after the last because Eli is going to be out of town for 2 weeks in June. Hey GUESS WHAT?! So will Dr. Tangpricha, who is up for a big position. Hopefully if he gets it, he will still have time for his patients, i.e. me!!! IDK, hopefully everything will work out in the end. We are moving on June 10, which is the new date of my appointment. So, it was pushed up a week. The next appointment, and it couldn’t be confirmed, was at the end of July when we will be in D.C.
SO won’t be able to go with me. Appointment is at 2pm, but they want me there 20 minutes before. It going to take 30-60 to get there, and even longer coming back during rush hour. For all of the bullshit I better come back with some good news. No setbacks, no second and third meetings before we get started with hrt.
Eli has warned me about my second puberty and the emotional roller coaster both SO and I will be on. It is going to take me being extremely patient, and not acting like a petulant child. But the depression part, well I cannot help that. If it comes, I hope my friends and family will keep a careful eye on me.
Whatever, June 10 will be here soon enough. Doesn’t mean I won’t be tossing this salad for days to come.
Eli still has to write the second letter for me to see Dr. Tangpricha. He was doing it during therapy but hit a button and *poof*. So he has to start over. He said he would call me and we will go over it together. It needs to be perfect. No fuck ups this time. But see, this is how the system makes it a race, or a hurdle in a race. All this not knowing. I should be able to go to Dr Tangpricha, have a discussion, sign a waiver, then start with AAs. This has been a long process. I started seeing another therapist 6-7 years ago who diagnosed GID. But SO was not on board, so began the subterfuge. It lasted 1.5 years before teh trans came rushing back. And this time, there is no stopping it. When I was 37, I gave myself a 5 year window to begin to transition. If I didn’t do it within 5 years, I didn’t think I would ever do it, thereby being locked in the dysphoria cycle, where everything becomes triggering. Anxiety and depression. So at 42 (the greatest of all things) I have started to transition. Well, that is not exactly true. I started transitioning a long time ago; slowly, but steadily. I helped SO along, although I cannot take much credit for that. She had to do some soul searching herself and come up with a decision. That could not have been easy. So kudos to the Egg. But I feel that I have been taking the itty bitty steps over the years. Whether it was on the physical plane or in my mind, I have been moving myself towards this. It isn’t accidental. And I didn’t just become trans, nor do I think it is all that cool. Yeah, rally for trans rights but all I see is death, beatings, berating, extreme hatred, and for what reason?
Let me wrap this up. Already longer than I anticipated. I hope that Eli is going to do me a solid with a good letter. I would be absolutely crushed if something happened for me not to get to this appointment; or worse, to get there and have doc say nope nope nope! THE END