First Day Jitters – NOPE!!!

Today was to be my first day at my new jobby job. Yep, I’m back in book world. Barnes & Noble, to be specific. My first day was supposed to be today but I got a call early this morning canceling for today and probably going live on Friday. Cool, because despite loving books, I am not looking forward to dealing with the customer face-to-face again. But money is good and, to that end, it would have been ideal to start today. I didn’t have any anxiety about whether I should wear girl or boy clothes, mainly because I am still not completely out, and I don’t have the clothes, and I don’t want to look like the man in the dress just yet.  I think that I will have to introduce myself slowly at my new job.  And while B&N has protections that include gender identity, I do live in an At Will state, meaning I can be fired for anything, just about. I’m comfortable still popping them pills, nom nom!! I don’t need to rush anything. Only when I feel comfortable. Until then, I am comfortable waiting and hoping that hrt helps to shift both the physical and the mental to bring out Sophia from a comfy hiding spot. But yeah, I’m comfy with people not really sure about my gender presentation, so on so forth. But I do want to suss out the situation at the new job. Hopefully, B&N will be kind to me!! If not, it represents a good way to get some money together, as I am in dire need of fundage. I am stuck in electro hell because of how expensive it is. I did have a session with Heidi yesterday. She was wonderful, as usual; we got a lot more done than a usual session, too, so that was encouraging.  I am red as a lobster, though, lol! I need to take care of my skin.  Only  recently, a friend complemented my skin tone, and promptly, a karge zit broke out on my forehead. SO calls me a lopsicle or a lopsicorn or something like that. It was huuuuuugge!  I should have broken this up. I hate it when people type walls of text without paragraphs. And today, I am joining their ranks. Just for today, I think.


EDIT:  The SO thinks I am happy to not be going to work today and well, that’s true. But not for what SO thinks. It’s that part of me feels like I should be pushing myself to start dressing more in public. That includes a job. The other part of me is happy because I just don’t have the wardrobe for work. Well, maybe I do, but not a lot, and not on the  first day. I have to remember to pace myself. This is not a race. And no one is putting any pressure on me except me. So I should drop it, let the hrt do it’s magic, work on building a wardrobe and casually introducing Sophia to the world of books…again!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s