Oh What A Beautiful Dress You’re Wearing!

Said no one to me. Well, recently, at least.  Work has got me locked into Stuart’s vibes until I get home, when I can de-camp into my regular clothes.  I’m sitting here, wearing this wonderful black dress and my only pair of women’s shoes, a ballerina slipper-shoe from Long Tall Sally. I had to get it from them because, come on, who else is going to carry a size 14 or 13 women’s shoe?  As far as style goes on the shoe front, fuggitaboutitkay!  At least, I keep telling myself that. I may not ever be able to enjoy calf-length boots.  Curse my ginormous flippers.  That’s what the SO calls them – flippers.  I do have rather flat feet. The ballerina slippers are cool because they don’t have a crazy arch built in.

You know, I have been reading about ladies who go full time before taking hormones, or in their second month and shit, and I’m like WtF??!??!  I guess we all have different paces about this process.  I still haven’t told my parents, and I think that this is a big stumbling block.  I think it may be time to start drafting a letter that I can hand to them, tell them to read and digest. Hook them up with some links, then speak in a couple of days.  It may make it easier for me, and lift what is turning out to be a huge stress ball off my back. I think once I come out to my parents things will be a little bit easier.  I don’t want to lose my job at B&N, so I may have to disclose to management.  This is the scary part too.  That first day working will be a ball of stress for me too, because I will be right in people’s cross hairs.  Not an idea that I relish. I find more and more that I would like to go about my life without others fucking with me.  And retail may not be the way for me to go.  But you never know who will surprise you if you give them a chance.  Similarly, you never no who will let you down when the time comes to stand side by side.

Another thing, and completely unrelated to transition, at least MtF transition, is my working in retail again.  I thought I would like it. But I remember why I left.  Aside from being in the wonderful world of books, I still have to work with customers face-to-face. I hope that I have gotten better at being stone-faced, either to hide my disappointment or disgust, lol! Also, I am on my feet for the entirety of my shift.  And I can’t even lean on a desk or anything, hahaha. You think it is a joke but I’m serious.  I don’t know how my Crohn’s is going to handle being on my feet and super active again.  This is the reason, after all, that I left book world in the first place.  Well, this and a bump in pay to my next job.

I am supposed to start with Comcast sometime in October.  I still haven’t received any other information other than CONGRATULATIONS you have passed your drug test and background/criminal/credit check.  AFAIK,  that job is supposed to start  on Oct 3rd.  But damn, without anymore information, I might have to nix that.  It is a part time job, just like B&N. Unlike B&N, my time would be set between 10am-3pm M-F.  Really, though, either job prospect is not settling with me right now. And I know it is transition related.  I have some time.  Nothing showing from hrt yet (I’ve read girls getting sensations and budding within 6 months; however, this is probably the loud minority lending their voices) so that is good.  Next endo appt(yay!) is Oct 21st.  I think it will be time to discuss a higher dose pour moi.   Until then, I have a plan.  I am going to cut back on the weed intake (unless I get sick again), do some exercise, and be ready for some good blood work results.  I don’t know though.  We will see about that.  It honestly helps me in many ways.  But enough about that.  It is time for me to go.  TTFN!

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