I recently had a therapissy session, which after several months, was great to be back with my therapist. I was concerned that there may be some awkwardness since we haven’t seen each other in so long, but I was wrong. Eli (therapissy) was in excellent spirits, and our session was restorative for me.
After the session, I came out to my boss at B&N and my other sister. Now, the only people left are my parents, and make no doubt, this will be a difficult conversation. I mentioned that my mother made a comment about me wearing a dress. Oh mother, I love you and your perceptive, needling ways. I told the SO that I have picked up on that characteristic. The nagging way we try to get information from our spouse. I hear in the way that I talk to the SO sometimes my mother’s voice. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother’s voice. It’s not that. It’s the way she (and me) digs and questions until she gets an answer out of you. She (as am I) is good at pushing buttons. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I would like to curb it, as it upsets the SO too much when I do it. I can be merciless, I guess.
Eli showed me a copy of the Lancet, a British medical journal, very respected. For the first time, the journal dedicated an entire issue to transgender issues, and there are articles clearly stating the biological nature of being trans. Meaning, I didn’t choose to be trans. It is just how my brain operates. Eli thought, and I do too, that the medical journals may help my dad with this information, as he was a physician. I suppose once a physician, always a physician, at least in terms of critical thinking. I have no idea how dad will try to justify his religious beliefs with my transness. Eli once again reiterated that I need to be prepared to lose the support of my parents. That would surely be devastating, as they help me financially, although not in regards to transition – excepting therapissy sessions.
Regarding coming out to my parents, my inclination is to just blurt it out. As Eli has pointed out, however, this may not be the right time for my signature open mouth, insert foot type of behavior. Therapissy suggested a letter given to the parents, and some time for them to digest and do some self study, or prayer, or whatever they are want to do. What I do not want is a three hour lecture. I am too old for that. Now, I understand concern, but I had enough lectures from my dad when I was younger. Another one will not do. Luckily, I will not have to do this alone, as the SO is down for the ride. Hopefully, everything will be amicable. Now, I just need to write a letter, preferably before my next therapissy session so that we can go over it. Then it will be time to pick a date. I am not really showing any signs of the hormones yet, which I suppose is a good thing, until I get my jobby job situation squared away. And honestly, I am scared. I don’t want to do this. But what person does? What person wants to tell their dad that the son that he thought he had has been a figment, a confused mass of energy just waiting to explode with this information. For better or worse, I will probably tell them before the holiday season kicks into high gear. I have to, right? I mean, I have to be fair to myself, but I also need to be grown up enough to tell my parents this. Fortunately, both parents are in decent health, so I don’t have that extra worry about whether this will be a burden on them. It will, but they should be strong enough to handle it. I hope. I love my parents and don’t want to lose them. Redundant much? lol!
I think I will wait until I see the endo on Oct 21, then therapissy shortly after, before I even think about telling the ‘rents. So I have a good month + to get the letter and my proverbial balls together to get this done. Then I get to start worrying about being harassed at work, so on , so forth. Joy of joys.
Okay, enough for tonight. Maybe there will be more tomorrow. An hrt post would be good, so stay tuned dear readers of the page. Until then, a bientot!