IDK What I’m Writing

IDK what I’m writing on about today. I just know that there are some things becoming supremely clear, and these things are causing, not a depression but a certain melancholy, if that’s even the right word.  First: electro.  It is going to be stupid expensive and so time consuming.  I don’t have the time to dedicate to electro right now…well, that is not exactly true. I will have to call Heidi and see if I can set up an appointment….kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk  I stepped away to check my phone and I had a text from Heidi, the electro.  I guess I will try to go back in for a session but the problem is that I don’t believe that I can reliably keep this up. With the LBC’s ensuing money woes, I have to question whether I can even afford it, atm.  I am going to have to win the lottery, shite friends.  Second: Comcast is going to be a hard transition.  I don’t know how accepting my peers are going to be.  I don’t want to lose my job then become unemployable because of my trans status.  But fuque, even with all these doubts about transition, there is one fact that is like a beacon of light in the pitch black night.  And that fact is that I should have been born a girl. That would have taken care of all of these problems that I am sure resulted and WILL result from the beast that is dysphoria.  And you know, I keep telling myself that the hrt is really working.  I mean I don’t have boobs yet, or any sensation in that general sense. Another thing I don’t have is that crushing sensation that everything is wrong, or that I am a freak of nature (and if I am, then it is comforting to know that there are others like me!).  Abruptly, this is the end for this entry.  Peace out! lololol


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