Welp, here I am again, seriously thinking about stopping transition for a bit. Stopping would ultimately let me know if I can manage without transitioning. This is not to say that I don’t have teh trans. I know that I do, I just don’t know if that means I have to transition. More importantly, I think, does it mean that I have to transition now? Lemme explain. I don’t have a lot of money. I just got a couple of new jobs and people kind of know boy me. Exposing girl me would bring on the inevitable ridicule and, tbh, I am not sure I am ready for it. I take a lot of stares now, but under the current climate, I don’t want to do anything crazy. I definitely don’t want to spend any more money on transitioning if I don’t have to. Or maybe I could continue the hormones and get electro slowly. Low dose hormones may keep the dysphoria away, so there’s that. But damn, I am so confused. I think it is because, while I don’t ever feel 100% guy, there are time where the guy part outweighs the girl part, and I think I need to reconcile these two parts of me.
So that’s it for now. My head is not clear. I continue to take hrt and just bought some girls skinny jeans. I feel comfy in women’s clothing but I don’t want it to effect my work. I am pretty sure that transition, in some form, is the correct path for me. I just am not too sure about the form anymore. And that blows, hard!