I’ve an old friend coming to stay with us for the next few days. This old friend could have been considered the closest guy friend I had, and one of the few at that time in my life. He was at my wedding. My dad delivered his child, for jeebus-sakes!!! Buuuttt…I haven’t seen him in many years! I shouldn’t say that. What I do mean is that I have seen him rarely over the years. I can probably count on both hands the amount of times I have seen him in the last few years. And he doesn’t have a FB page, so I guess he hasn’t really kept up with or seen any of my postings. I repost a bunch of trans stuff, so I figure I’m leaving no doubt in other people’s minds.
Anyway, all of this is to say that disclosure will be necessary, as I won’t compromise how I dress at home. I don’t prance around the LBC in full face and a nice dress, but I do wear leggings all the time. Camis sometimes, but more often than not a long shirt because i get cold easily.
So my friend will meet the authentic me over the next few days. And trust, nothing has really changed except the dress. I guess I have been waiting for hrt to have an effect, and now that I think it is, it may be time to get back in to see Eli, work on my nonexistent female voice (or decide if I am even going to bother with that. Maybe just work on inflection and a general highering of the vocal register), maybe get my brows did, you know what I mean. Little tweaks that show up over time, and not all at once.
I am happy to disclose to this old friend. What I am finding is that I have lost the ability to care too much who knows that I am trans. Once again, I may need to own up to the fact that people are conditioned to see me as a guy, and so I can get away with a little bit of changes without upsetting the balance too much. I think I just said that all wrong. What i mean is that there is potential that I am still hiding behind the cis het male facade that has been built up around me for so long. Like not the manliest of cis het men, but one nonetheless, ugh!!!
Okay, enough for one writing session. time to vape some juice and get ready for work, even though it is only 5:30 in the fucking morning. I don’t work until 10! FML!!!