In the narrative of my coming out, I usually use my wonderful SO as an example of how long it can take a partner to come to terms with the other partner’s transness. The way I tell it is that SO found out by mistake, as I was outed by a fucking family therapist in 2011. Then me and SO hit a rough patch. Divorce was bandied about, feelings were hurt on both sides.
So this is where I need to make a correction. We got through that rough patch, and me and SO are as good as ever. The issue with the story, from my telling, is that it makes SO look like someone who, upon hearing that her spouse is trans, decided to pack up and call it quits. I insinuated that we were in some kind of haze where SO was this angry and disagree-able person.
SO kindly explained to me recently that she feels bad when I tell the coming out story, because from her point of view, there are some inaccuracies. In particular, once she heard the news that I am trans, and after the initial shock (minor, I’m sure, as she knew SOMETHING was going on), her point of view is that she accepted me and my unicorn status almost immediately. The divorce situation came about because she didn’t know if she could stay in the marriage. She had her reasons, and while most of them were good, a few were based in fear. Once she got over the fear of giving a fuck, the thought of divorce started to disappear. It became more along the lines of this is the person I love, regardless of any physical changes being made to the body and mental changes, as well. She made a commitment to being with me, even though she could lose family members, even putting the both of us in harms way; she chose love! Love wins!!!
And once again, I went off of my line. Anywho, long and short is – I was outed by a dick therapist, me and SO went through a rough patch, I assumed it was because she didn’t love me anymore, BUT she never stopped loving me; she just had to decide if she could stay in the relationship, and to what level. Divorce was talked about. Reconciliation was over a night of drinks at the Tavern, and once again LOVE WINS!!
All this to say – Sorry SO for getting your part in our story wrong for all these years!