I’ve been waiting a while to write this post. I had to clear some things in my head, then I had to get clearance from the SO to talk about our sex life – or lack thereof. I say lack thereof like it’s a bad thing. It’s not, at least at the current time. For me, hrt HAD effectively killed my sex drive. I just didn’t want or need it. And that includes masturbation too. After years of sexual activity, or wanting sexual activity, it was great to just chill the fuck out.
One would think that this would put a strain or damper on my relationship with SO. But no no no tis not true. One of the great things about coming out as trans is that is requires ones partner to do some soul searching. What kind of relationship could the SO and I have? Well, the short answer is not necessarily a sexual one. Once SO got over the initial shock of my transness, for lack of a better word, SO had to think about how our relationship had changed. With me not wanting sex, I think it gave SO time to sit in deep contemplation.
Then SO came out, as well! How did my wonderful SO come out and why? Well, the coming out part must have been hard, or maybe not. Maybe it was more like gnosis, that sudden and complete understanding of knowledge that was previously hidden. At any rate, SO came out to me as a Panromantic Asexual. What is this crazy terms, you may be asking yourself. Simply put, panromantic aces do not want sex with their partners. Instead, they crave intimacy, companionship, and affection. Sounds great, huh? Who wouldn’t want affection and all the rest? The thing that sets people who are Ace apart is that they have no desire to have sex. It may sound strange to you, dear readers of the page, but not to me. You see, I don’t need sex right now. I can take care of that function all by myself when I want to. So I don’t currently feel a loss from not having sex. I, too, crave intimacy and affection and companionship. Fuck, this is great! And I am so proud of SO for coming out. It has to be hard to speak your truth, all the while knowing that people may judge you harshly, or even think you are a freak of nature. Most people assume that sex and relationships go hand in hand. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I had sex, and I don’t mind one iota. Now, if this ever changes on my part, me and SO will have to have another conversation about how to handle both of our needs without hurting the other person.
I’m going to wrap this up now. This is just an introduction to asexuality. I encourage you all to educate yourselves before you pass judgement on people who are ace. We all have wants, desires, and needs. For some of us, however, that does not include sex. Way to go SO! Speak your truth. I am standing firm beside you!!