A Path To Being Out At Work – Slowly

Just like everything with my transition, coming out at work will be a slow process. Some people jump into the trans soup and come out immediately, living as their true selves, even at the cost of physical and verbal harassment and violence. This is not something I can do, mainly because I am not built that way.  Well, only in a manic episode, but we don’t want to have one of those now, do we?

So, slowly seems to be the easiest way for me to come out. I have come out via FB to two people at work. One was a mistake. The other was not, although she is completely clueless about trans issues and gender identity vs. sex.  And now that I announced to a goodly amount of people that I wear SO’s clothes to work, I am free to wear women’s clothing as I please. I know that I am not ready for dresses with jeans or jeggings. But the cosmo black on black on black or a variation of the three with some white and grey thrown in. That seems to work, because until recently, I seem to have been able to get away with wearing women’s clothing without people picking up on it. I would like to think that I have an andro or rock-style look. At least pushing boundaries for what people consider that a dude should wear. Understanding that I am not a dude will come later. For now, I think I will be comfortable with people acknowledging that I am wearing women’s clothing, and I want it to get to the point that it is normal to see me in women’s clothing. That way, when I come fully out, people will be like – oh, that makes sense. At least that is the reaction I am trying to elicit.  I think part of the problem with people who don’t anything about trans issues, they are going to expect an overly feminine person. And there is nothing wrong with that. Damn, I wish I was more feminine. It would definitely help in coming out. Now, when I come out, people are shocked. They just don’t see a woman at all. Whereas with a feminine person, that person may get quicker acceptance.

I just know that I am happy, despite my first misstep in coming out to the wrong person via FB. But the second person from work has been a sport. I will have to work on her, in the sense of terms and definitions, and possibly a trans 101, if she wants. Meaning, I will answer questions about trans issues from MY point of view, and in no way the final or be all of answers. But they will be honest. See, I don’t actually have a problem answering questions that people have, as long as I can tell that there is genuine interest.  Anything beyond that and I shut the fuck up.  I have no problem answering questions about SRS at the moment. Now, if things were different, — nah, I think that I would still talk to peeps about my feelings concerning surgeries so on and so forth. A lot of trans people have a hard time, understandably, discussing these issues with cis peeps. Cis peeps, if not allies (and sometime allies too) can be the most dangerous, so it’s always best to use precaution. I mean, I would hate for someone to boil all my experiences down to whether or not I’ve had any surgeries, then try to dismiss me as a human being, because basically that is what can happen. I’m all about telling those kind of people to fuck off. So mainly, I will talk more with you about my trans issues if I’ve known you for even a short amount of time, unless my gut tells me otherwise.

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