Feeling Better

I’m feeling so much better, dear readers of the page. My last post was all doom and gloom. But I’ve turned a corner, and feel like puppy dogs and rainbows. Work is going well. My brain is a scrambled mess, filled with the ins and outs, and a lot of information has been passed along in a short time. This weekend I will have to take a look at my notes and try to get a better grip on all this information.

I have been working on my voice; yes, it sucks. I am either too high and squeaky, like a mouse, or I drop too low, and sound like I’ve swallowed a gallon of testosterone. But with practice everyday, I should be able to find an acceptable range.

I am having some anxiety over my facial hair. Even when I shave, and shave closely, I can still see the outline of my beard, especially around the mouth area. It is so annoying. Also, when I shave at 4am, I see stubble at 4pm. Very depressing. I need to get back to electrolysis, but I just cannot afford it, atm, nor do I have time to go since I’m back to work. The catch 22 was that when I wasn’t working, I couldn’t afford it. Now that I am working again, I don’t have the time. I work 9-5 during training. When  I go live, I think my schedule will switch to 10-6:30. Still won’t have time. I may have to work on weekends, so maybe that will free up a day for me to get in. But one appointment will not do. I have to be consistent. And it is expensive. $110 per hour, plus $40 if I want a numbing shot, which I will definitely need, now that I have been on hrt for a while. Oh wells, this is something that makeup can fix for the time being. I wish that I didn’t have to rely on makeup. There is no promise that I won’t have any scarring from electrolysis, but it needs to be done.

I think I’ve decided to wait on the name change until sometime in 2018, ideally after my orchi, which I also want to be next year sometime. I don’t see any major changes, and internally, am beginning to get a little frustrated. I see all these pretty girls who have been on hrt for a shorter amount of time than me, and they look stunning. Me – not so much. I still look like a guy.  Fuque.

My one vice has been interrupted by my wayward friend. I have no smoke left, and my mind and body are going crazy. I am more keyed up, more amped up. and my mind is scattered. I am beginning to have racing thoughts again, and my sleep has been horrible, to say the least. My connection has been with me for years, so now I don’t know who to turn to. I have no other connections, and my friends either go through me, or are not willing to help a sista out! I need to figure out a plan. Well, I owe my connect, so maybe he will call soon. I think I’ve more than paid my debt with all the current movies I’ve gotten for him. Whatever – I will have to meltdown, then rise from the ashes, ya know? It’s not the end of the world, but damn, it seems like dude would want to collect some cash.

Okay, enough for now, dear readers of the page. Have a good night/day, wherever you may be. We’ll chat later.


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