Pain Demands To Be Felt

As stated in The Fault In Our Stars, pain demands to be felt; and yeah, I’m feeling it right now, dear readers of the page. This is the worst its been since before my last surgery. I really don’t know what to do anymore. All I do is roll around and moan, use a heating pad on various parts of my body.

Honestly, this post is going to end soon because it hurts my arms to type. Sad state of affairs. I just want this pain over with, and with no gardener in site, I have no good medicine. I have my Cimzia, which I believe is no longer working. I got my colonoscopy moved up to May 8. That is a lot better than May 22, as I really don’t believe I can wait that long to find out what is wrong with me.

You know one of my biggest fears?? It is that I will get the results from the colonoscopy, and they find nothing wrong. This makes me nervous, and honestly, would probably do a lot of damage to my psyche. Fuck, there has to be something wrong. I am not having this pain because my mind is making it up. It sucks. I mean, I have pain all over, and cramping, as well. Not just in my intestines, but in my joints all over my body.

I am going to have to file for disability. I guess I need to get ready for that kind of fight. Honestly though, I don’t know if I have it in me. I was on disability about 5 years ago, but gave it up because I was able to work. What I should have done is just worked part time and try to keep the disability. Now, I have to start the process over, and this is in trump’s amerikkka. We’ll see.

Anyway, thanks for reading all of my moaning and bitching, dear readers of the page. I will check back in soon.

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