In My Head

You know, I live several worlds inside my head. I always have. When I was younger, I had more friends. I guess friends are hard to keep with age, life, mental and physical illness, dysphoria, isolation…

But now, I have only a few friends, and we don’t see each other all that much. I don’t have any lgbt+ friends in real life. But I don’t know where I would fit in in the community. This is going to be something I want to work on for 2019 and going forward. Even if I don’t make it out this year, I still want to. Last year, I didn’t want to go anywhere. Now that the depression has lifted, and my mind is back to being relatively strong, I feel like I can take on some new challlenges. You know, put myself out there. But it’s hard. And my default is always fear. It’s my old friend, and my worst enemy.

All this to say, I want to keep the worlds in my head, because I value them and they keep me sane and safe; at the same time, I want to make some room for a new life, filled with new people and new adventures. Simple, huh?


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