Finally February

Hey there, dear readers of the page. It is finally February. January seemed to go on forever. It was a long month.

Let’s switch gears and talk about my gofundme campaign. It has stalled. The last donation was two weeks ago, and I cannot seem to find a way to get this campaign out to a larger audience. I was hoping that friends of mine (what few I have) and associates on FB would share it with their friend groups. I think one of the problems is that my friends are all cis hetero, ya know, so there’s no traction. This is certainly putting our trip to Philly in jeopardy. And that sucks.

Another thing that sucks is that I won’t know how much I owe the surgeon and such until two weeks before the actual surgery date. This is pretty stressful because it doesn’t allow us the time to prepare, money-wise. It’s like, how much do we actually need. We’ve already booked our flight, but not where we are staying. Accommodations for the time we are going to be there will be about 2500.00. Ah, the stress is getting to me, can’t you tell? All I can think about these days is how we are going to scrape this money together. We already filed our taxes, and I am hoping that Egg gets a bonus at work, along with a pay bump. She deserves it. She is the rock star of her division, and everybody knows it. Show her the fucking money.

Disability – oh, where to start? I filed for disability about seven to nine months ago. Still no answer. They are still sending me packets to fill out and return. And I am supposed to be on the fast track, but damn this is taking forever. I’m probably going to have to meet with a state-appointed psychiatrist. I had to last time I was on disability. I was in a manic episode then. I am not now. So the interview could sink me. All I know is that I was expecting disability to kick in by now, and it hasn’t. But, I know, in regards to disability, I am nothing special or new under the sun. The adjudicators have seen it all before. I’m just hoping that they believe me. I have tried my best to hold down a full time job, but my disabilities always crash the working party. I have to use the bathroom too much, thereby affecting my ability to be productive. Also, last year I had a four month depressive episode, where I lost the ability to do most basic things like taking a shower, concentrating for long periods of time, and a complete drop into the abyss of nothingness. I wanted to be swallowed whole, an not live anymore. I was extremely suicidal,, which is a feature of my bipolar depression. But y’all know how it is. I couldn’t tell my therapist the full on bipolar response because I didn’t want to be hospitalized. Anyway, this is where we stand on the whole disability process. It’s a lot of hurry up and wait. For months and months and months. And this is why so many people give up on the process and try to go back to work, often with disastrous results. I am lucky and privileged to be in a position where, while I need to work, my Egg supports the both of us. So, I shouldn’t be bitching too much. I know a lot of people go it alone, and it’s gotta be rough.

So that’s it for this entry. Please join me soon, same place, same channel for another update. A bientot!

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