Call From The Surgeon

I just got a call from my surgeon about my Crohn’s disease medications. The first thing she said was that there would be a problem with my Crohn’s and the meds I take to control it. I had to assure her that I have taken extensive breaks before. The issue has something to do with healing.

Ideally, she said, I should have stopped last week. No problem, I said. I will stop as of now. Nothing is going to stop me from having this surgery. I am willing to stop the Cimzia and the methotrexate for about a month and a half, in order to get this taken care of.

Also, I will have to go through the icky bowel prep/clearing, per my surgeon. Even though Ia am not having full depth surgery, she says it will still be helpful in order to create the divot. Things are getting real now. Whew!

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Just Checking In

Hey there, dear readers of the page! Just checking in. I don’t have too much to write about today. It is officially 21 days until surgery, and I still haven’t paid for it. So annoying, but Egg is holding onto the money with a vice grip. I’m thankful for that, because I would have spent some of it by now. Such control she has.  We have gotten some supplies, but have yet to get all we need. I still have two doctors appointments this month, so that is another $70-$80 dollars that will have to be spent. And that doesn’t include the cost of refilling medications. But I have all the meds I need for surgery , minus the bowel prep stuff. I don’t think I need bowel prep, as I’m doing zero depth surgery, but it may help me not poop all over the place afterwards.

I am pretty calm and centered, and not nervous…yet! I am hoping that my surgery ptsd does not creep in. As y’all may or may not know, I had a pretty traumatic surgery in 2007 where I almost died and was in ICU for a number of days. I was in the worst pain of my life, and didn’t think I would make it out alive. But I did. And oddly enough, those thoughts haven’t really crept in my brain in a traumatic way. I mean, I am making a will just in case. Me and Egg needed to make one anyway, so we did. We have to have it signed by two witnesses in front of a notary public, so my parents will be handling that part of the process. Thanks guys!

Anyway, that’s all I got now. Time keeps on ticking down, and I’m sure anxiety will come in after we reach ten days before. But for now, everything is chill.

One Step Closer

Yep, dear readers of the page, I am one step closer to surgery. I had my physical today. I had to wait until no earlier than 30 days before surgery. But the results have to be in two weeks before, so I went in earlier, rather than try to wait a week or two. Nah, I got my physical and lab work taken care of on day twenty eight of thirty.  And I got back home before it started raining. I went to the gracery, and dropped off my surgical prescriptions. They should be ready in a couple days. So, all in all, I’m feeling really good about preparations. Hopefully, everything will continue smoothly. The next big hurtle and stressor is the actual payment. The surgery has not been paid for yet, which really sucks. I do have a pretty good idea how much the out of pocket will be, but the numbers weren’t finalized, and shit can change.

Other than payment, and faxing of all lab work/physical information, everything is in place. Now, to work on the mental. I know there will be pain, so I think I am getting ready for the amount of pain I could potentially face. Hoping for minimal, expecting maximum. Maybe, I will be pleasantly surprised. I doubt it, though. Pain demands to be felt.

Support Group

Yay! Dear readers of the page, I have some awesome news to share with y’all. Last night, after three weeks of stalls, we made it to a trans support group meeting! Both Egg and I were nervous, but I think excitement was the overriding emotion for me. I went in not knowing what to expect, but came out with such a positive glow up that we will definitely be going again. I would like to go every week leading up to surgery, but I don’t know if that will be possible given Egg’s work schedule. The meeting is held near our place, so there may even be a chance of me driving there by myself, in the event that Egg can’t go. It would have to be later in the summer though, when the sun sets later in the evening.

It felt good to be around other trans people, my first time IRL. And there was a diversity, both in age and ethnicity, that I didn’t expect. All in all, a good time was had by both me and Egg. Hopefully, this is the beginning of some new friends, or at least a way to get out of the house more, and hang with some cool peeps who understand the struggle.

The Rainbow Bridge

It is a sad morning in the LBC, dear readers of the page. One of our two remaining cats, Spike, passed, then crossed over the Rainbow Bridge early this morning. He was such a great cat, full of vigor and life, loving until the end. Sorry to see you go, my friend. Have a great trip, wherever you may go next.

Therapy Day

Well, dear readers of the page, it is therapy day, and I’m excited to see Kristine. We only have therapy once a month now, mainly because it’s so damn expensive. $140 per hour. Less expensive than my last therapist, but still expensive for a Gal without a job (thanks family for paying for these sessions). This will also be my last session before surgery, so I want to maximize my time with her. She has seen me at my worst, all suicidal and shit, so it’s good that she sees me doing relatively well. Anyhoo, that’s all I’ve got for now. Pics attached for reference.

Mount Midoriyami

Today, dear readers of the page, I conquered and smashed my exercise goals! First of all, I went to the gym by myself. They let me in, which I wasn’t expecting because I am a guest member. Egg is the card-holding member. I gave my phone number, and the attendant said “got you, sir.” I didn’t correct him, partly out of shock, partly because I didn’t shave today, and to a lesser extent, I didn’t want to have to explain that, no, in fact I am a trans woman. It would have been the perfect time, but they have my i.d. on file, and it is under my deadname, so it would take a bit of explaining, even though I had on my rainbow shirt with the trans sign square in the middle of it. Ahh, the life of a trans woman not quite passing. Like I said before, I don’t think I will ever pass, and I have to be okay with that.

Back to the purpose of going to the gym, though. I am trying to get my cardio up in time for my surgery. It is coming up fast, and I am not where i want to be. Egg is slaving away at work, so in I go by myself. Once checked in, I select a treadmill, get my earphones in, and select the soundtrack for my workout. Paul Oakenfold’s Tranceport; an oldie but a goodie. I set the treadmill for a workout of 45 minutes. This is important, as this will be the first time I try this amount of time. We usually do 30 minutes. Not today folks. I also set the difficulty at level 3 as opposed to level 2, and off I went. After 15 minutes, I was breathing heavy, with sweat dotting my brow. At 20 minutes, I didn’t think I was going to get through 30 minutes, let alone 45. But, I pushed on, letting the music guide my legs back and forth. One foot in front of the other foot, as it were. I DID IT, DEAR READERS OF THE PAGE!!! 45 minutes later, with sweat pouring off my body, and my glasses slipping down the bridge of my nose, I was triumphant!  I survived and conquered my own Mount Midoriyami! I am feeling pretty damn good right now.

During my workout, towards the beginning actually (and I am thankful for it) I had two phone calls come in. One from my surgeons office. I finally got all the prescriptions and lab work requisitions that I needed to have before the 25th of this month. Yay for that! The second call was from my mother, as they are going out of town to attend the funereal of one of my relatives who passed recently. Sad, but my parents have great big hearts, and this was needed, so they are off later today. Like I said though, thankfully these calls came at the beginning of my workout and not towards the end. I was able to keep on pushing on while talking to both parties.

In other news, Kristine, my therapist was in an auto accident, and was shaken enough to have to miss some work. This was the reason she hadn’t returned my calls. But I caught her by text one morning, and she then called my disability adjudicator and faxed all the necessary paperwork in. I still have to keep the appointment with the state sponsored psych because it is on Tuesday, and the adjudicator probably still wanted me to go. She said the reason was because of it being so close, it would be too hard to cancel now. I think she just really wants more information on my current state of affairs. It irks me that I have to spend 30 minutes to an hour with this one person who could deny my benefits based on how I present during this short time. It actually pisses me off, but I have to play in the system or I will come up short. I really need this disability to come through.

So that’s it for now, my friends. Enjoy the rest of y’alls day!