Welcome, dear readers of the page! Thanks for joining me in 2019! 525,600 minutes! Time to do a minor year in review for 2018 (transition-related), then onto a minor list of things to accomplish in 2019.
2018 – The Good – I am alive, and I don’t take that lightly. My mind played some nasty tricks on me for 1/3 of the year. I had a fecal transplant to curb my recurrent c-diff. I haven’t had c-diff since, so yay!
I had my orchiectomy (surgical removal of the testicles) July 30. The surgery, and the recovery went smoothly. No major pain, no issues like with my surgery in 2007.
I set a date for my GAS. It is currently scheduled for the end of April, so, just around the corner.
2018 – The Bad – I got c-diff twice in three months. I had a seven-day hospital stay, and have been in a flare the entirety of 2018.
I thought that I would have already done my name change, but it is more practical to wait until after GAS. I could, legally, change my name and gender in the state I live in (the requirement is surgery, and the removal of my balls counts) but my GAS was approved under deadname, so that is how the hospital in Philly will check me in. I don’t want any snafus at the last minute because of my ego.
My voice is still…well, my voice. But it is still deep, which sucks. I guess I have to take the blame entirely. I bought Kathe Perez’s cds. She is a voice therapist who works with a lot of trans women to feminize their voices. Right now, I pass on sight alone maybe 65% of the time. But when I open my mouth, pronouns are automatically switched, and apologies bandied about.
I haven’t worked since Feb. I am trying to get on disability, but the process takes forever.
For 1/3 of the year, I was in a severe depressive episode. My episodes always include suicidal ideation and planning. I feel bad that I had all my friends and family in a constant state of worry. Egg was amazeballs, as always. She gave me space, but not too much. She let me mope, cry, be despondant, be empty, be paranoid, and every other feature of my episodes, but she was always nearby. That will always be my saving grace.
There were more things that happened, Oh yeah, my mama got, then beat cancer! So, great outcome from a scary situation! But yeah, as I sit back and think, more stuff pops into my head, so I am gonna leave it at this.
2019 – WOOT!! – Now, I am feeling more optimistic about 2019 than I remember feeling about 2018. While still in a flare, I think adding Flagyl to my med cocktail for my Crohn’s disease is helping. I am not going to the bathroom 10+ times a night. Now, it is more like 5-7 times. Definitely more manageable.
Things I want to do – get through GAS, heal, heal, heal. Write more, write better (learn the difference between “wear” and “where”), write faster and harder. Start to learn an instrument, pick up a language. I want to get my name/gender change taken care of. Get my passport with my correct name/gender, as well as all other paperwork. I want to volunteer some. I want to meet a trans person, irl. That means putting myself out there, something I am terrified to do. I have grown comfy staying at home, and there is nothing wrong with that. It’s just that I want to explore the community more. I want me and Egg to continue to grow together. I want to foster closer relationships with me friends.
And there you have it, readers of the page. A short, and in no way comprehensive, list of my 2018 and hopes for 2019. Now, for me, it’s time to brew a cup of Christmas tea and watch some Premier league football!