I have begun testing out they/them pronouns, as well as she/her. I think I am beginning to feel less binary than I originally thought when I first discovered myself questioning gender.
It may also be because when I first started thinking about gender, and how it relates to me, and all these strange and dysphoric feelings and emotions I had been having…well, back then, there wasn’t much awareness about Nonbinary people. It was usually focused on the trans binary.
I, now have come to a different way of thinking about my gender, and my gender expression and experience, and it is leading me to a nonbinary life.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’. Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden
Think of it as digital fingerprints.Or breadcrumbs, if you will. A beacon, a bright lightilluminating the way through the labyrinththat is/was my life.My beliefs, my desires, my dislikes and likes, my passions-all laid bare for you to see. All you have to do is put the pieces together…it will lead you down the path of this extraordinarily-lived life.
Hey there, dear readers of the page! Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I can’t promise that I will stick around. This may just be a blip on the radar, ya know?
I have been in a depressive episode of the ever-revolving bipolar ball. My anxiety jumped up some too, which is shocking, given the amount of MM I use. Anyway, I was just thinking that I haven’t had a manic episode in a while. I kind of miss the energy behind it. It is hard to get thing, well, things other than the gossamer glow of glossed over chores and over meaningless activities. All that to say – being manic can give life drive and purpose sometimes.
I had a therapy session yesterday. One of the great things to come out of it was to, instead of thinking about a thing I want to do, and letting it overwhelm me, instead, break it down into chunks of time. So, something like 30 minute blocks of doing one thing, day after day. This may sound easy to a lot of you out there, but my mental illness will not make this easy. Just as a reference, I want to relearn French so I have been using the app Duolingo. I had a 71 day run of practicing every day. Then I missed one day. That was okay, I picked back up the next. But the seed was already sewn, and while I made the next day, I skipped the day after that one, and haven’t been back since. That long story was to say, I don’t know how well I will do at this 30 minute challenge. I don’t know how motivated I am to do it. I was yesterday. Not so much today. Ho hum…
Hey there, dear readers of the page! Long time, no talk nor type, huh? Well, I probably won’t be around much, and really, all I wanted to do was throw down an idea here so I have it in digital storage.
My idea – a series, or even a book, magazine or something of the sort about trans women and the beards they had before shedding their male skins for good. I know I had one, and it was strange to shave it all the way down, until it was just stubble; finally, one last shave and I was clean.
Anyway, something along those lines. I think it would be fun!