It is a sad morning in the LBC, dear readers of the page. One of our two remaining cats, Spike, passed, then crossed over the Rainbow Bridge early this morning. He was such a great cat, full of vigor and life, loving until the end. Sorry to see you go, my friend. Have a great trip, wherever you may go next.
Well, dear readers of the page, it is therapy day, and I’m excited to see Kristine. We only have therapy once a month now, mainly because it’s so damn expensive. $140 per hour. Less expensive than my last therapist, but still expensive for a Gal without a job (thanks family for paying for these sessions). This will also be my last session before surgery, so I want to maximize my time with her. She has seen me at my worst, all suicidal and shit, so it’s good that she sees me doing relatively well. Anyhoo, that’s all I’ve got for now. Pics attached for reference.
Today, dear readers of the page, I conquered and smashed my exercise goals! First of all, I went to the gym by myself. They let me in, which I wasn’t expecting because I am a guest member. Egg is the card-holding member. I gave my phone number, and the attendant said “got you, sir.” I didn’t correct him, partly out of shock, partly because I didn’t shave today, and to a lesser extent, I didn’t want to have to explain that, no, in fact I am a trans woman. It would have been the perfect time, but they have my i.d. on file, and it is under my deadname, so it would take a bit of explaining, even though I had on my rainbow shirt with the trans sign square in the middle of it. Ahh, the life of a trans woman not quite passing. Like I said before, I don’t think I will ever pass, and I have to be okay with that.
Back to the purpose of going to the gym, though. I am trying to get my cardio up in time for my surgery. It is coming up fast, and I am not where i want to be. Egg is slaving away at work, so in I go by myself. Once checked in, I select a treadmill, get my earphones in, and select the soundtrack for my workout. Paul Oakenfold’s Tranceport; an oldie but a goodie. I set the treadmill for a workout of 45 minutes. This is important, as this will be the first time I try this amount of time. We usually do 30 minutes. Not today folks. I also set the difficulty at level 3 as opposed to level 2, and off I went. After 15 minutes, I was breathing heavy, with sweat dotting my brow. At 20 minutes, I didn’t think I was going to get through 30 minutes, let alone 45. But, I pushed on, letting the music guide my legs back and forth. One foot in front of the other foot, as it were. I DID IT, DEAR READERS OF THE PAGE!!! 45 minutes later, with sweat pouring off my body, and my glasses slipping down the bridge of my nose, I was triumphant! I survived and conquered my own Mount Midoriyami! I am feeling pretty damn good right now.
During my workout, towards the beginning actually (and I am thankful for it) I had two phone calls come in. One from my surgeons office. I finally got all the prescriptions and lab work requisitions that I needed to have before the 25th of this month. Yay for that! The second call was from my mother, as they are going out of town to attend the funereal of one of my relatives who passed recently. Sad, but my parents have great big hearts, and this was needed, so they are off later today. Like I said though, thankfully these calls came at the beginning of my workout and not towards the end. I was able to keep on pushing on while talking to both parties.
In other news, Kristine, my therapist was in an auto accident, and was shaken enough to have to miss some work. This was the reason she hadn’t returned my calls. But I caught her by text one morning, and she then called my disability adjudicator and faxed all the necessary paperwork in. I still have to keep the appointment with the state sponsored psych because it is on Tuesday, and the adjudicator probably still wanted me to go. She said the reason was because of it being so close, it would be too hard to cancel now. I think she just really wants more information on my current state of affairs. It irks me that I have to spend 30 minutes to an hour with this one person who could deny my benefits based on how I present during this short time. It actually pisses me off, but I have to play in the system or I will come up short. I really need this disability to come through.
So that’s it for now, my friends. Enjoy the rest of y’alls day!
So, dear readers of the page, I am happy to write that my therapissy, Kristine, has made contact with my disability adjudicator. This was a necessary step, as it may cut down on the visit to the state-sponsored psych evaluation that is currently scheduled for the 19th. It would be a huge inconvenience to both me and Egg. She would have to leave work early to come to pick me up, as I am terrified of driving the highway to get to the appointment. I just don’t think I can do it, ya know?
Unfortunately, Kristine was in an auto accident. She is on the mend, but apparently took some time off of work, and that is why she didn’t call me back. I was getting desperate after my calls went unreturned. I mean, what if this was an emergency that required hospitalization. Luckily, we have a treatment plan in place for that.
I was, however, getting nervous that the necessary paperwork for disability hadn’t been sent and that I was being ignored. That is just my damaged brain working to trick me. My therapissy is awesome, and so caring. I should have known that something was wrong, but every time I called the office, it went to vm, and I didn’t feel like leaving a message that most likely would not be returned. I took (what I consider) the drastic measure to text Kristine early one morning, and lo and behold, I got an answer back from her. She talked to the adjudicator, and faxed in the information, which she already mailed in anyway. So, hopefully, things will move forward now, and I will hear something soon. End typing.
Damn, dear readers of the page, trying to get disability is a big pain in the ass!! It has been a full year, and I am supposed to be on the fast track. Now, I find out by my disability that I have to go to see a state-approved therapist, because my fucking lovely therapist didn’t send in my paper work fast enough, and my psychiatrist did a shitty job filling out his paperwork. I am so pissed right now that the state sponsored therapist is going to deny me. I don’t think this is fair to me, because this therapist will only spend about 30 minutes with me, and that will determine if I am awarded disability. I have been working since the age of 16, and have had at least 50 jobs.
I am so pissed that I am shaking as I write this. I cannot believe that all of this is going to come down to one therapist, even though I have all my other doctors on board. I really need my therapist to call me back, and reassure me that she is on my side. I had a 4 month long depressive episode last year, for Satans sake! This is not normal. And even though I am not in an active episode right now, I know the patterns. Once I get a full time job, I’m good for about a month. Then my moods start to go to shit. My anxiety comes out. I start having to use the bathroom more. I can’t keep up with the commitments of the job, and then I am fired. MY last job, I lasted two months, then got sick with c-diff, which led to a 7 day hospital stay, and a 4 month depression after that. How the fuck can I work a full time job with a life like this. People just don’t know how hard it is to work in my life. I need a break, both for me and Egg, who works so hard for the both of us. I am still spitting mad so I’m gonna wrap this up now. Thanks for reading.
Yesterday, dear readers of the page, we went to our first Atlanta United game at Mercedes Benz Stadium in the A. It was a fantastic experience, with the single exception being the purchase and retrieval of the tickets.
The stadium is cashless, so there are card machines set up to turn your cash into a card, then you can purchase whatever you want while in the stadium. They also take credit and debit cards, so that is good.
We had one of our besties, Michelle, meet us at our spot, then we drove to MARTA, and rode to the stadium. Once inside, we explored for a bit. It was pretty easy to get to from our doorstep, taking less than an hour. We just had to follow the throngs of five stripe supporters.
When we got our refreshments, we decided to find our seats. Wow! Our seats were the second to last row in the the entire stadium. We were almost behind the goal that ATL was attacking in the first half. The game itself was fun, but going up and down those steep stairs was a bitch, and kind of dangerous when mixed with yummy sixteen dollar margaritas, hahaha. The game ended in a 1-1 tie. I’m not sure how good the five stripes are going to do this year, but the experience was super fun. 10/10 would definitely do it again, although maybe not during the summer months. It is comfy in the stadium, but riding MARTA back home would be stifling.
Here are some pics:
So, in today’s wtf news, dear readers of the page, I almost lost out on my surgery due to a Medicare snafu. The surgeon, you see, does not take medicare, and this would have caused me to have to pay the full surgeons fee out of pocket. The surgeons fee is around twenty thousand dollars!!! Yikes! I actually started sweating, and I hardly ever sweat. I have been communicating with various agencies by phone and email.
Back in 2013, I was on disability. At that time, I guess (or so I’m told) I signed up for Medicare. When my disability ended in 2013, the Part B of medicare was cancelled. Part A, however, was not cancelled. This is what was causing the snafu. As the surgeons office was running my insurance, the medicare issue came up. After some time on the phone, I got it all cleared up.
BCBS is my primary insurance, through Egg’s work. Medicare, apparently, is on the policy as a backup. When the surgeons office ran the policy, they noticed the Medicare and automatically sent me a concerning email. So today, I have talked extensively to the surgeon’s office, to Medicare, and to SSN. It is all cleared up now. BCBS is primary, so that is where the surgeons office will draw from. And, hopefully, the hospital will run both insurances, thereby reducing the out of pocket cost from the hospital. I hope that is how it will work out, fingers crossed.
I am expecting another bump in the road; hopefully, though, it won’t be insurmountable. The stress will cause my lovely locs to fall out. And we’ve already got flight/room and board taken care. I don’t want anything silly to stop this surgery.
I have to get another physical, even though I had one in August. This is a pre-requisite for surgery. I also need lab work done, which I don’t have the paperwork for yet. But that will be a pretty penny, as I already owe lab corp for previous visits. That sucks, but it’s the way the cookie crumbles. So, lab work and the physical are the next hoops I have to jump through. And get this – I have to get this physical sometime between the 23rd of March and the 8th of April. My primary GP is out, because she really never has any good times. She is always scheduled at least a month or two out, which sucks. But my primary group has another doc, and my physical is scheduled for March 25th. Yay for the small things, right??!!??
All in all, a stressful morning, and a stressful month coming up. I just need to get through March, then tackle April. Hopefully, all will play out in our favour!